Fundamentally Fucked?

Make my ass look big?

Fundamentally Fucked?

Is it just me? Or is the correlation of free-cartoonic-expression in Scandinavia & hostile-religious-insult in the Middle East just too beneficial to the causes of US expansionism to be purely coincidental? I can almost hear the CIA operatives on the ground in Denmark:

“Shee-ite, they’ve been in print since 30th Sept 05, & hardly any of those motherfucker’s are takin’ a God damn blind bit of notice, D-wayne! Who do we know that ain’t too subtle & has a fairly consistent record on racial & religious intolerance? I know, get me the fuckin’ French Embassy on this piece of crap phone, now! We’ll be in Tehran by July!”

If anyone’s ripe for a bit of further regime change in George’s little red drawing book, it’s them pesky fundamentalist oil hoarders in Babylon. Then we can get a fair crack at them Russkies, right? Oh. My. God.

Talking of God, it’s hardly a revelation to most of us freethinking, fair-minded atheists out here in reality land – but – AND IT’S A BIG BUT – isn’t it about time we banned religion? Like fucking GLOBALLY banned it! Never mind religious intolerance, we don’t give two shits who you pray to in the privacy of your own home, but save the preaching for somebody as equally small-brained & bigoted as yourself. Religious intolerance is the same as sexual intolerance to me: I don’t mind homosexuality, just don’t go ramming it down my throat! We’re supposed to be rockin’ the culmination of thousands of years of evolution by natural selection here - Darwin may not be able to explain the timeframe/obvious genetic interference that must have come between Homo Erectus & Homo Sapiens – but the rest of his shit’s not far off.

As if that isn’t unequivocal, scientists are unanimous that it’s only a matter of time before we discover intelligent life forms elsewhere in our universe (what do you think those big silver round things & them tall grey dudes with the big black eyes have all been about?). I hate to piss on your parade, true believers, but God doesn’t exist (nor do ghosts, fairies, pixies, Jesus, angels, the Nephelim, Buddha, Allah - or any other quasi-mythical motherfucker, for that matter) – get used to it. We’ve achieved a Global economy, how about some Universal philosophy? Voltaire saved us from Catholic guilt. Who will save us from fundamental madness?

As a liberated citizen of an allegedly free thinking democracy, I’m more than happy for the UN to annex the Vatican tomorrow, de-frock the Pope, & redistribute the obscene clandestine wealth of the inherently evil Catholic Church to the millions of poor & destitute peoples the world over that it’s repressive doctrines have created since AD70 (no need to bother with the Protestant Church, that’s redundant already). That’s a good start, I’d vote for that if we had a world referendum on religion tomorrow. It would give a fairly strong indication to the more fundamental sectors of our Global community that we just won’t tolerate this kind of archaic crap a moment longer:

“Osama, they have executed their own Pope & re-distributed his wealth to the poorest peoples of God’s earth. There’s nothing in the Koran about that. What are we going to do now?”

I’ll tell you what you’re going to do – mind your own fucking business. The same goes for you oil hungry Yankee wankers:

“Gee, I guess God told me to do it! I had a vision, or was it a bottle of single malt & a gram of cocaine, I’m a little vacant right now. The stress of an imploding economy can sure confuse a guy that can’t count up to ten.”

The UN can deal with all this bollocks tomorrow: they’ve allegedly got 70 trillion Dollars in a high interest account just waiting to be redistributed to the poor & needy – they can end Global warming next Tuesday if they want to – just as soon as all these poxy countries & sovereign nations agree to dispense with their borders, national identities, traditions, beliefs – oh, & massive infrastructures of ozone eating industrial productivity.

The Mayan Calendar ends in 2012 – that’s reasonably indicative of the kind of timeframe we’re looking at here. If there’s one piece of advice I can offer you trakMARXists – fundamentally: seek weapon’s training, perfect survival techniques, buy body armour, get your arse Glocked up - & emigrate to the Orkney Isles. In the UK, it’s only a matter of time before the BNP start distributing arms & inciting racialistic murder – never mind racialistic intolerance. Knowing British ignorance of religious minorities the way I instinctively do, it’ll simply be a case of ‘gun down anything that isn’t white, overweight & wearing a Burberry shell-suit stained with HP sauce’:

Hindus will die in a hail of lead screaming: “I’m not a fucking Muslim, you cross-eyed moron”. People leaving tanning salons will have their throats cut & gurgle: “I’m on Orange, you follicly-challenged East Ender’s extra”. West Indians leaving Punjabi restaurants will be rinsed in sulphuric acid pleading: “Jah, save I&I from dis rasclat murderer”. Goldsteins & Bernsteins will hang from the upstairs windows of their flaming townhouse properties shouting: “I’m not Hasidic, already, I haven’t practiced for years.”

“This is religion, your religion - & it’s all falling apart, gloriously” – PiL – “Religion”

May your God go with you.

Guy Debored – tMx 23 – 02/06
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