The Real Losers

The Real Losers

trakMARX - Rumours have been floating about that the Real Losers are no more. Is there any truth in this?

THE HAND: A bit of truth. We're not active. We're having a rest.

HD: The Real Losers will always be there in your heart.

Shake: Taking a break is good for you - who wants to hear our shit all the time! Let's see if some other band can deliver the goods!

trakMARX - Our copy of your debut LP was so warped we had to send it back to Rough Trade - & couldn't get a flat copy. Where's the best place to score Real Losers wax effortlessly?

THE HAND: Still Rough Trade. I think anyway! All those were warped as the factory put the shrink- wrap on before the vinyl had cooled properly.

HD: That was the desired bubble gum affect.

Shake: Listen, it still sounds just as shit on a flat copy as it does on a warped copy! You're best bet is to get someone who owns a decent copy to tape it on cassette - you can't go wrong with a C90, dude!

trakMARX - Putting on our historians specs - & gazing thoughtfully down our ample noses, momentarily - how were the Real Losers born?

THE HAND: Out of pure boredom.

HD: Drunken stupidity and plain fuckery.

Shake: Vaginally me thinks, it was a difficult birth and we're now grown up wrong!

trakMARX - Along with Black Time, you have a stunning reputation as one of the few 'real' rock'n'roll groups operating in the UK right now. What makes the others so lame?

THE HAND: I dunno. There’s a lot of bands - and some really good ones. Most big bands are fucking awful. I guess having fun and being big is impossible. If a band are having fun - then I like ‘em. When it's forced - then it's awful. I don't like bands who try and act like tough guys as well. Or act all serious. You're fucking entertainers - for God’s sake!

HD: Nobody can keep up the retardedness like we can, it’s bloody hard work you know. Tha’ts why we are taking time out just to reduce our brain levels Back down to nil. Other bands just keep going and end up really seriously academically bright and boring.

Shake: Real rock 'n' roll is a lost cause over here, musically the UK is wrapped up in too much seriousness and pomp, and not good pomp like the New York Dolls, I mean shit bands who have shit attitudes and play shit, boring songs that are slow and full of shit, there isn't one band in this cuntry that I like! It's like punk rock 'n' roll never happened - come on . . .where are the bands goofing off on Boys/Damned/Vibrators/Buzzcocks riffs!!!??

trakMARX - In terms of influence - who would fill the Real Losers Tour Van Compilation Tape Hurdle Challenge?

THE HAND: We listen to The Monks a lot in the van or car and like listening to the radio. We listen to a lot of Dictators and Real Kids to get us in a party mood.

HD: Devo, The Undertones, The Dictators are great to play really loudly, I like to blast out The Registrators when driving and also stuff I can sing along to like Bowie or The Monks.

Shake: Well it depends on my state of mind - I think the Pagans and the Testors really get me going. If I'm in the car I've got a bunch of tapes – the Saints get turned way up loud - as do the Catholic Boys and Flakes, two current bands who rule. Currently I'm blasting out Protex, V.I.P's, Cockney Rejects and other shitty British snot 'n' roll groops!

trakMARX - Is it frustrating that your underground appeal is already worldwide - yet investment from a suitable UK label is still lacking?

THE HAND: Not really. Wrench and Squirrel have done a really good job with our records. Even if 90% of them sell abroad! If we were on a big indie label, they'd make us do things like play live more which would be bad cos we're really lazy. It's good to be invited overseas to play cos it's like a free holiday.

HD: I'd hate being on a big label cos I hate being told what to do. And anyway we're too old for any worldwide appeal. We've turned down so many larger labels because they are ethically full of dog shit.

Shake: The UK labels don't really deal in real fun stuff. We've been lucky to have records out on Squirrel and Wrench cos they are run by people like us - they don't really give a shit about making it big - it's all about fun. I still don't think of the Real Losers as a 'real' band - real bands do interviews and appear in magazines and - oh shit - we are a 'real' band. Doh!!! Ah well, we got to go the USA...who needs to keep playing in merry Olde England?

trakMARX - Tell us about your new LP. It seemed to sneak out under the radar. Either that - or we've been watching too much cricket.

THE HAND: It came out on an American label and a German label and we don't have no UK distribution so nobody can get it here. But people who do want it can get it mail order or on the internet pretty easily and cheaply. It's a pop record.

HD: I love this LP – it’s just pure party fun and its brill to be able to sneak them out instead of telling everyone about it. Telling people is far too much work for a bunch of idiots like us. What's this new obsession with cricket anyway? (Sadly, it’s not new – 18 years of pain, etc – oh well, it’s over now – Ashes Ed)

Shake: Your not Australian are you??? The new LP just slid out like a good wholesome turd - clean and easy to wipe! I love it. It's a mixture of stuff, old songs that were knocking about, songs conceived in America and shit made up right on the spot! Even the lame tracks turned out good, haven't you got your copy yet??? Tut tut! (It’s flying in from Alien Snatch as I type – Encoule)

Alien Snatch Records
Daniel Bouché
Mörikeweg 1
74199 Untergruppenbach

trakMARX - Will there be any shows to promote the record?

THE HAND: Not really, we are pretty unorganised.

HD: Do we need to promote it? It promotes itself. No, we are just so fucking lazy you wouldn't believe. And I was 7 months pregnant when we recorded it so that kinda distracted us a tiny bit.

Shake: Promoting is for marketing and sales executives, I like the fact that this record is out there existing purely on it's own merit. I wouldn't want to ruin sales by trying to play these songs to a paying audience!

trakMARX - If the Real Losers were putting together an 'Anarchy' style tour package to rape the UK - who would you take along on tour with you?

THE HAND: The Damned.

HD: Not all of the Damned, just Rat....I'd take The Catholic boys cos we need to show them how lame the UK really is.

Shake: That's a great idea, the only trouble is who the hell can we get??? I'll opt for any band with Eric Ulcer in, Blacktime would be good, once Matthew has a few drinks inside him he get into action mode! Maybe we could get hold of The Boys!

trakMARX - Where's the best place to keep up with all the Real Losers action as it happens?

THE HAND: I forgot the passwords to update our website so look on MySpace, the address is at the bottom of this page, which I can update easiest.

HD: Ask the Hand - he's the cyber geek of the band...ha!ha! It would be funny if you really were, Shaun.

Shake: If you can find the action you better tell us about it, there's not much happening at the moment!!! Have a merry Christmas!

Jean Encoule – tMx 21 – 09/05
Contact: - Punk Rock …and Roll