Leader 19

With the general election only a matter of weeks away, Michael Coward (Conservative – Campaign Slogan: LOOK INTO MY EYES. LOOK DIRECTLY INTO MY EYES. NOT AROUND THE EYES BUT DIRECTLY INTO MY EYES. LOOK STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES. VOTE CONSERVATIVE.) has dug out his Enoch Powell t-shirt - once again. Again. Again.

River levels of blood in the UK are currently rising faster than Sanctuary Records stock market value. Asylum seekers & economic migrants, according to Mr Coward, only come here to steal our mobile phones, take pictures of pretty girls on them - & then sexually harass said pretty girls in shopping malls (hunting in packs, obviously). The second major reason they flock to our country is so they can acquire cars & drive them around without road tax, insurance or a driving licence.

Some wags have pointed out that British tourists in Spain (& the Beckhams in Madrid) are surely just as bad as the migrants Coward denounces so forcefully on the campaign trail. Sadly, the Chief Of Police in Malaga was unfortunately unavailable for comment at the time of going to press.

Meanwhile, the scum-landlords of the UK seem to have little or no problems flaunting planning & fire regulations to turn 2 bedroom ‘apartments’ into 12 bed-room ‘guest houses’. Successful immigrant DHSS applicants can even get their social security cheques made out direct to the landlords.

Of course, Britains like nothing more than to ‘eat out’ on a Saturday night: Indian, Chinese, Thai, Japanese, Italian, French, Spanish, Greek – all the national dishes of the world in one utopian multi-cultural environment. Michael Howard believes the people who run these establishments should ‘commute’ to their places of work. What’s so unreasonable about that?

Mr Coward is no fan of the travelling community, either. His policy for ‘tackling the issues’ surrounding our indigenous gypsy population is interestingly based on the thoughts of Adolf Hitler, who was also ‘not keen’ on caravans. It is surprising how much messers Coward & Hitler have in common.

So, if you’re planning to fuck it all up for the rest of us by voting Conservative in May – remember – we know where you live. Until then – put another Busted CD on the fire & hoist the Red Flag.

Socialism. It may be dead, but its corpse is still doing a better job than the fascists ever could.

Guy Debored – tMx 19 – 04/05

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