Hands up those of you fed up to the fucking back teeth with lists. OK – you can all put your hands down now.

What is it with music publications that makes editors all over the globe believe that their readers really give a fuck on a broomstick about their contributors (& their sycophantic buddies) opinions on the ‘greatest 100 whatevers of all fucking time’ (we were taking the piss in Issue 10 – OK, so we’re always taking the piss somewhere)?

Beats me.

Maybe it has something to do with implied uniformity – maybe everyone is supposed to have exactly the same record collection, library, DVD collection (yours to own), thought patterns, etc. Maybe individuality is as much a thing of the past as integrity.

Not here at tMx, amigos. This Xmas trakMARX has deliberately avoided LPs, 45s, films, books, groups, haircuts, beautiful people, trends, hype, gigs, venues, sweets, drugs, sexual positions, earth shattering moments, pets, cell phone handsets, computer games, badges, scarves, achievements, re-releases & fads of the year because – frankly – if you’ve read it once you’ve read it already (& we like to think of you as being intelligent enough to have made a note of it the first time round & not need reminding in a patronising manner like some dumb arsed debutante who was ‘a little high’ at the time & not really paying attention).

How can we free thinking shoplifters of the world combat this tide of ‘big brother’ knows best bullshit? Simple. Send them your fucking lists. List away. Compile to your hearts content. Catalogue, collect, arrange, accumulate, amass, assemble, gather, marshal, organise, put together, agglomerate, aggregate, cluster, concentrate, congregate, convene, converge, crowd, forgather, garner, group, harvest, heap, hoard, muster, pile up, rally, scrape together, stack up, stockpile, store & generally make up your own lists (on any damn thing you care to mention) & clog their inboxes/post boxes with every irrelevant scrap of opinionated information you can retrieve. Then charge them for the pleasure with an accompanying invoice.

Happy fucking Xmas - & may your DOG go with you.

Buddy Dion – Acting Editor – tMx 12 – 12/03

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