The Kills
The Kills
The Kills – “Keep On Your Mean Side”

The Kills really like The White Stripes. The Kills really like PJ Harvey. The Kills really lurv Royal Trux. The Kills really “dig” the blues. The Kills may be trying just a bit too hard.

Hotel (Jamie) used to be in blink & you missed them Transitcore no-hopers Scarfo, whilst VV (Alison) used to be in – ooh, who gives a fuck. They met through a shared love of The White Stripes, PJ Harvey, Royal Trux & the Blues & began a long distance love affair that mostly consisted of exchanging tapes. When they finally met they fucked each other so much they fell in love. Aaah. So far – so convoluted.

a record sleeve
It’s not that “Keep On Your Mean Side” is bad - it’s just that it’s so fucking desperate to be NOW it could almost be parody. Look, this is MY last fucking chance – please take me seriously. I’ve been bumming around the peripheries all my fucking life – love me, please.

“Superstition” is sadly not a bluespunk run through the Little Stevie Wonder “classic”, but a gossamer thin attempt to rewrite “Dry” as one song. Jamie & Ali turn on the boy/girl “bet you’d love to watch” vocal trade offs for all their worth. The aforementioned “work in progress” tapes appear as atmospheric filler between tracks in an attempt to make it all more interesting. Ali coughs – she does smoke a hell of a lot – Ali says fuck – God, the raw edged subversion of it all.

“Cat Claw” is still the best thing on offer here - it should have been release as a ltd edit 7” in Argentina. A one off statement & instant collectors classic. Failing that they could have sold it to Mick Jagger for his next solo LP.

“Pull A U” is a further “Dry” outtake. “Kissey Kissey” is a Led Zep fired snoozer – it has been a fucking long time coming – I never thought we’d actually hear anyone attempt to reference Led Zep again (urm, ain’t that the truth, Jack?).

“Fried My Little Brians” – mmmm – are they taking the piss. Actually, the more I here this fucking record the more I want to kill the fucking Kills to death. Erm, now.

Ali pops back up from time to time to drawl in an affected stoned manner. What does she have to say? Well, nothing really. That’s the point. It’s the sound of her voice. Right???????? As I said, The Kills are trying TOO hard. They want to be art but are arse. Ali wants to be Patti so much it hurts (Ali, hate to spoil the party, but Patti made a career of living up her own arse – in that respect, girl, I think you’ve made it).

“Black Rooster” sounds like something Chris Morris could knock out in his sleep. It’s comedic. The kids??? Fuck & fight??? Basements???? What fucking year do you live in??? And while we’re at it, what the fuck’s a rattlesnake gun when it’s at home???? Don’t you know that kids & guns don’t mix???? Shhh, & I may be way off the mark with this one, but I’d hazard a guess it could be Jamie & Ali who like to fuck & fight in the basement. Maybe they like the kids to watch.

“Wait” is so lame it collapses under the weight of it’s own la la las. God I fucking hate songs that go: la la la la. What’s up? Could you be bothered to think of words for the la la la bits. Who are you? Sting. De do do do you you you just just just fuck off & leave us in peace. Tell me what so funny, man? C’mon Ali, that would spoil the fun. That’s for you & Jamie to work out for yr.selves.

By the time we’ve snored our way to the hilarious “Fuck The People” the tMx office has raised a collection to help reform Scarfo. If any readers know of the whereabouts of the other geezers out of Scarfo – get in touch – soon. Let’s kill this sucker before they release any more singles of it (Oh yeah, by the way: the term “Stab Your Back” belongs to Mr Rat Scabies & is protected by Sanctuary Publishing). “Fuck The People”, indeed.

Marquee Smith – 03/03
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