The Vexed Pastels
The Vexed Pastels
The Vexed Pastels

The most dangerous 7” single of the year has just been released by Birmingham punk rockers, The Vexed Pastels. “God Save The Queen” is a furiously faithful cover of The Pistols classic with updated lyrics written by The Pastels outspoken vocalist, Johnny Realestate. The band have chosen a cover version for their debut 45 due to their “total disillusionment & lack of ongoing confidence in the British judicial system following the Queen’s intervention in a recent high profile court case”. Guitarist, Steve Moans, picks up the story:

“It’s just a fucking travesty. I mean, what have they got to hide? If you ask me, there’s a ton of shit yet to come out about the most dysfunctional family in the UK. How did one of the world’s most protected human beings manage to die in a simple city centre car journey? What’s the speed limit in Paris? What happened to the photos? God save, indeed.”

“God Save The Queen” was recorded at a secret West Midlands location only last week. The b-side is a raucous run through The Buzzcock’s “Fast Cars”, again with radically altered lyrics which could or may well not be about the death of one of the world’s most famous dead princesses. The band are aware that both their sound & choice of material is hardly going to set the world on fire, but are adamant that personal success is not the motivation behind this release:

Johnny Realestate – “Ideally we’d like people to accept this release as it was intended: political commentary. We are not even a real band, as such. We all met through active participation on the underground activist network. We have to watch our step, you know. We do tend to get followed by dark coloured Ford Mondeos from time to time. It can be quite disconcerting. We decided it was time someone spoke out about both the Queen & The Sex Pistols recent reformation. To quote an old Clash song: “They think it’s funny, turning rebellion into money”. Well, we’ve heard enough about Mr Lydon’s inheritance & property deals. It’s time he realised that he was then & we are now. The Queen is a more legitimate target now than she was then!”

The Vexed Pastels have kindly given us permission to reproduce the “new” lyrics to their version below:

“God Save The Queen”.

God save the queen
She just intervened
Blair is a moron
Bush an H-bomb

God save the queen
The richest queen we’ve seen
There is no future
In England’s monarchy

Don’t be told who’s innocent
Don’t perjure yourself
There’s no future
No future
No future for them

God save the queen
We’re joking man
She ain’t our Queen
God save

God save the Queen
Cause tourists ain’t coming
And our figurehead
Has just gone shopping

God save his story
God save mad Paul Burrell
Lord God have mercy
The poor lad’s not well

When there’s no monarch
How can there be a throne
We’re the genetically created clones
We’re the poison in the smiling crowd
We’re the future
Their future

God save the Queen
We’re joking man
We love Becks
God save

God save the queen
A sad excuse for a human being
There is no future
For England’s monarchy

No future
No future
No future for them (repeat)

Trad Arr – Lyrics adapted by Johnny Realestate/The Vexed Pastels – Copyright reserved MCPS – 2002

“God Save The Queen”/”Fast Cars” (Right Royal Fuck Up Records – RRFU001) – is strictly limited to 1000 copies on blood red fox hunting coloured vinyl & is available by mail order only. Price £2.99 inc P&P:

The Vexed Pastels
P.O. Box 1426
Erdington
Birmingham
BJ17 4QA

Evan Halshaw – trakMARX.com – Nov 2002
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