This months mailbag is managed by Guy Debored.
Thanks for the recent Billy Childish article & live review. Its about time Billy got the acclaim he deserves. If I have one criticism of either piece, its that you neglected to mention that I have been into Billy far longer than the rest of you lot out there in the commercial sector & that only I know the true aesthetic & artistic value of Billy Childish & anything any of you fly by nights may have to say is far too little far too late.
Smug Guy Records
G.D. If you wanna get personal, motherfucker, why not pop round to my place for cocktails at 6 - & while were at it, Ill show you my pair of signed Pop Rivets 45s.
Dear Jean Encoule,
My 14 year old sister & I love to masterbate using our 43ft platinum dildo whilst imagining what you & the rest of your staff look like. Smell my fingers, Im getting wetter that Jack White on a Romanian film set in the December rain. Come and fuck us both soon. Check out our new selection of photos www.russiandoggirlsswallow.com - theyre hot!
Love & pain,
Dagmar & Natasha
G.D. Courtney, for fucks sake leave us alone. Cant you take a joke?
Yo word up, motherfuckers.
Ive been busting my not inconsiderable arse for eons backing my rhymes & beats with the handle Trakmarx. This hip-hop nation of Islam duly demands that you cease using the holy alias of Farakhan (TrakMARx) for your white boy punk sissy rock shit website (or whatever the fuck it is you do) with immediate effect (efx) or well send Professor Gruff right round to bore your arses rigid.
Suck my dick,
Trakmarx (the rap star)
G.D. Ouch, motherfucker, youre biting our style. Carnt you see were taking it to the T.O.P. on the D.E.X. tonite. Is Westwood in the house? Have we got a translator. Does anyone give a shit?
Dear Nick Kuntz,
Boy, youre one lazy arsed son of a motherfucker. Stop sitting around reflecting on the memories of a shit for nothing career & spare us the book. Write some more nasty stuff, thats all your good for!
G.D. Dont beat around the bush, Monica. Go & see a doctor.
Just a quick note to say thanx for turning me on to The Pikeys they ruck.
You pious, po-faced, pig ugly, cocaine free, hitless wanker. You suck, I dont. Elevator going down.
Target House, SuponA.
G.D Glad to see your picking up some Radio 2 airplay, Simon.
Why dont you feature loads of adverts from dubious companies selling us tons of shit we dont need like all the other magazines, websites, zines?
Splash my boots,
G.D. Tod, its because we care a lot.
From the next issue well be rewarding the composer of the most entertaining missive fired in our general direction with an exclusive prize of great value. We would advise that the contents of this letters page is constantly monitored by the CIA so, please, watch what you say. Wed hate you to disappear on us. Mark your mail Letters To The Editor in the subject box & hit: email@example.com