cool britannia rockin it
Virtual Reality Check # 436

The Liars

Mac Swagger - Vox, Trumpet (his own) Keith Titchmarsh - Gtr Brazen Hussey - Gtr Foster "Student" Grant - Drums Neville Symonds - Bass

Formed 1998 - Chipping Campden, Oxon.

Mac Swagger lights his 13th Bensons of the interview & leans back on two outa four legs of his chair, "It's the fuckin bare-faced fuckin cheek of it that makes me wanna puke," he rasps, occaisionally throwing a Union Jack flighted dart at a picture of Jarvis Cocker that's taped to the dartboard. "I mean, name me one band that came out of Brtipop that was NOT a pastiche. I mean, I'm all for post ironic irony, but I'm damned if I'm gonna fix anything else tonite." He's got a point.

The Liars have been together now for just over 3 years now, honing & sharpening their offensive & obscene act. Signed to Oxford's Packed Lunch Rekkids after only one gig, their second single, "What's It All About, Simon?" has been produced by Steve "West Bromwich" Albini. The band have just returned to the UK following fraught sessions that yeilded only 2 traks & plans to record the lp with him have also been suspended. Mac explains, "Steve's a nice bloke, dont' get me wrong, that much was never in doubt, but his working practices just didn't cut it with us. I mean, all he did was set up a few mics & press "record" - for $1500 a day we expect a producer to at least write the fuckin songs, right?". The atmosphere inside Albini's self built studio soon deteriorated into farce, as gtr-ist Hussey expanded;

"We had the two songs for the single worked out already - we knocked them out in one take, no shit. Then Steve says he's ready for a take, I mean, Keith just looked at him as if he was gonna shit all over the mixing desk & Nev took him out with one swing of his Fender Precission Bass - very fuckin precisely, as it happens. Albini was rushed to hospital still clutching his lower front teeth & sreaming something about getting Courtney Love to kill us all next time we caught a train - it was very fuckin bizarre."

Mmmm. No shit. The Liars are currently rehersing at their Practice Room practice rooms on the outskirts of Evesham. Enjoyment of the local cider has proved somewhat detremental to the band's schedule. Roadie, Steve Dan-Dare, used to work for Satan's Rats back in the day & has had a lifetimes experience of the damage very strong cider can do to your nose, "I've worked with some of the greats, you know. Wendy Wu, how do you do? Sharks In Italy, eh? Domestic Bliss, now they were fuckin shite. Mummy Calls? I was gonna do a massive UK tour with them bu the LP never came out & they got dropped. Arse!"

A John Peel session recorded in 2001 has helped raise the band's profile enormously. A tour supporting Black Rebel Motorcycle Chain Gang had to be cancelled after a call from Noel Gallagher requesting that The Liars be added to the bill for the upcoming Oasis 11th anniversary shows. Noel has long been a fan of the band, "Oh ay, fookin top. Not that we need any trendy new flybynights to bloster up our waning credibility & shrinking profile, mind." The Liars are looking forward to meeting Liam for the first time, as Mac confirms, "The Beatles have always been one of my fav acts & to play out accross the UK with one of this coutry's top Beatles tribute bands is a real vindication of what we're about."

A recent offer of £3,000,000 from jeans giants, The Gap, to appear in a promotional advert has just been secured. This has enabled the band to buy the master tapes to the legendary "lost" second Clash lp - the band intend to pass the recording off as their own work & Packed Lunch have pencilled in a release date of March 4th. New single, "What's It All About, Simon?" b/w "Heading Back 2 SONA" is resolutely their own work, however, & to prove it the lyrics to the A-Side have been lovingly reproduced below;

"What's It All About, Simon?"


Camping trips to Scotland. It's sticky in this tent. Don't tell Ian's mum, that both of us went. Standing on my doorstep, yer hair looks really great. You so have to believe me, I'd never fuck over a mate.


Elevator! Goin up, we'll soon be coming down. Look forward to a real fire, when you move back to this town.


What's it all about, Simon? Is it vaudeville? Do those Smash Hits awards, brighten yer windowsill. What's it all about, Simon? Heaven only knows. A large part of Columbia, lives inside your nose.


Stools have been your lifeblood, you're always sitting down. Workshy fop's akimbo, give the queen her crown. Wear that pearl necklace with style, boy. It's dribbling down yer chin. I've reserved you a suite in the guilded palace of sin.


Chorus x 2;

Lourdes Oh Lourdy My Bottoms On Fire (repeat to fade).

(Swagger/Titchmarsh) The Liars 2002 - Copyright Reserved
The Liars unoffical website:

contact - the needle & the damage done